Step 3 - Fear Removal
I must confess: after nearly three years in this program, Step Three is the one I've struggled with most. Naturally, that's the Step I've been asked to write about. I wonder if my Higher Power has anything to do with that!
Like a lot of people, I experienced a childhood of abuse. I guess you could say I had a bone to pick with my Higher Power. How can I trust any Higher Power who let those things happen to a defenseless child? At a young age, I decided if I couldn't control the moods of my rage-aholic father, I was going to try to control everything else. Like the actor in the Big Book, I also wanted to be the director, the producer, the lighting technician, and more – – the world would be perfect if everything would just go my way (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed., pp. 60 – 61). Finally, when I reached a top weight of 476 pounds, I had to admit my way was definitely not working.
That's when my Higher Power interceded. I was laid off from my job and circumstances lined up to bring me to OA. This program has been a lifesaver in so many ways. From a physical recovery standpoint, I’ve lost 225 pounds so far, but OA is not a diet club. This is a spiritual program.
Creating a relationship with my Higher Power is where I've had to do the most work. I had to be willing to give up my childhood idea of a Higher Power. My resistance to turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him has everything to do with my fear of letting go of control. So, one of the ways I let go of that fear is by saying the following prayer: " God, please remove my fear of _____ and direct my attention to what you would have me be." Through this program every recovery, God would have me be a woman able to trust, a woman able to forgive and make peace with her past, a woman able to love and be loved, and a woman who feels worthy of the best of what life has in store.
-- Erin B., Newport News, Virginia USA
Lifeline Magazine, March 2017, p. 22