On January 8, 2007, I pulled into my driveway, planning my binge. For the first time, a voice said to me, “Why do you continue to punish yourself?” This was a spiritual awakening, and the first time I realized I was punishing myself with food.
At the time, I had little understanding of food’s effects on my body, mind, and soul. I knew only that I was powerless over sugar and needed to let it go.
I committed to getting a sponsor by the end of the month. On January 23, I heard her chair a meeting. I asked her to sponsor me on January 25.
I started by calling in my food plan each day and emailing my food each night. Sometimes, I didn’t know what to eat and called my sponsor. Other times, I didn’t reach out and the disease won.
I’ve worked Steps One through Six and have learned so much: how food affects me, how to work through fear, and how to trust another human being the way I trust my sponsor. Being meeting secretary keeps me coming back.
My top weight was 222 pounds (101 kg). Today I’m maintaining a 47-pound (21-kg) weight loss. At first I struggled with calling myself a compulsive overeater, but once I realized this was my disease holding me back, I began to state it out loud.
I’m grateful to be abstinent and to have a sponsor who is abstinent. I’ve learned food is not my Higher Power, and I am a compulsive overeater.
I’m looking forward to the year ahead, one day at a time.
— Lifeline, November 2008