Calling for Acceptance
I had a slip yesterday. I left a message on my sponsor’s answering machine telling her what I ate and that I ate out of self-pity. Then I turned on the TV and ate some more.
I called my sponsor again, she answered, and I told her what I ate. She listened and said, “Just keep being honest about your food.” Then I hung up, cried, and felt the shame I had been trying to avoid with TV and food. I did not eat compulsively for the rest of the day.
When I’m alone, I often don’t know what I’m feeling. When I call another person and am honest, I feel that person’s acceptance of me. Then I can get past the committee in my head and feel my my feelings. This allows me to be in the solution.
Calling someone when I eat and even before I eat is not a habit for me yet, but I am desperate enough now, after thirteen years, to do it. This is my way of being scrupulously honest with my food, which is new for me.
Thank God I continue to grow in this program!
— Lifeline, May 2001 feelings.